Everyone assumes that was an accident, but she confided in me that she had been seeking out sex with the purpose of getting pregnant. Recently, a friend became pregnant after a one-night stand. I had decided that I would go to my grave never telling anyone what I had done. But I’m mentally stable, and I have a pretty unremarkable suburban life. I have spent the last 13 years feeling that maybe I was some kind of pathological monster. Like everyone else, my husband thinks my getting pregnant with Holly was an accident. I now have a younger child with my husband. He and I live in different states and aren’t friends, but he is involved in Holly’s life and they have a good relationship. Ben and I split up when our daughter “Holly” was 3 years old. I seriously considered giving our baby up for adoption, but finally decided to raise her. From the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test, I knew what I had done was a horrible, dishonest, unethical thing and felt terrible guilt and shame. After I stopped I didn’t get pregnant for almost a year and got lulled into a false sense that it was never going to happen. I stopped taking birth control pills because I wanted to have a child. I told other people that it was an “unplanned but welcome surprise.” I never told another person this, but my pregnancy wasn’t an accident at all. Ben assumed the pregnancy was a birth control failure. We had talked about marriage and children but hadn’t decided on when that would be. My boyfriend “Ben” and I had been dating seriously for a few years. At the time, I was finishing school and just beginning my career. Each Sunday, we will be diving into the Dear Prudie archives and sharing a selection of classic letters with our readers. Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years.
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